My Life

Wow...I wrote so much earlier on my iphone and it didn't even save it.

Well, this is the first time blogging and I wouldn't have ever thought that I would be blogging. I just felt that there could be someone else out there that is going thru the same situation.

I am 28, not married and no children. Just a brief summary about my childhood from high school. I played basketball and worked while in school. My father wasn't in my life like he should have and he only lived about 10 minutes away. In the 12th grade, I worked 2 jobs to prepare for my future. I needed a car to get back and forth to college. I wanted to attend a 4 year school but nobody really seemed interested so my family sent me to a community college. That was completed and I then went on to receive my Bachelors and currently working on my Masters. I was the first to finish college, in hopes that it will be a stepping stone for others to follow.

My mother remarried when I was 12 and he was a pretty cool person. But we seem to always bump heads. I never got into any trouble outside the home but seemed to always stay in trouble at home. I was kicked out of the home 4 months after high school graduation. I then went to live with my grandmother for 5 months until I found an apartment. I stayed in the same apartment complex for 9 years and just recently bought a house.

I wanted so much for my family to be happy for me even though I never ask for help. My father and I still had a rocky relationship. He only called when he wanted something and felt like when he called I was suppose to drop everything. For some reason he felt like I owed him something because of the title. What about what I wanted and want.....didn't seem to matter. When I was 17 I bought my father a shirt for christmas and he threw it back in me and my sisters face. He told us that he deserved more than that. He has done some hurtful things.... When my bday comes around he sends me a card with $20 in it thru my sister. So this past Fathers Day, he called me about a week before Fathers Day to remind me and tell me what he wanted (selfish if you ask me). So, I sent my gift that he asked me for thru my sister. I didn't do it as a smack in the face but only that I was tired from school and moving. Well, he went over to my sister house and made her cry since we didn't make it over to see him for Fathers Day. She was going to drop off the gift the following day. I have more of a thicker skin....well, I don't show my emotions. My sister called and it really hurt me to know that he went over to her house because he knew he would see the hurt in her face. He called me fussing saying that he was tired of everything. I found that sort of funny, because I told him I've been tired but because he is my father I respected him and let things slide. I also told him that we need to talk face to face because there are some things that we need to sort out. He didn't want to hear that and hung up on me. Needless to say that he keeps in contact with my younger sister but hasn't spoken to me since.

I went to my friends wedding last week and almost cried when I saw his bride dancing with her father. Because my father is stubborn I don't think I will have that moment in my (future) wedding. It hurts me the most to know that I never had that father in my life to guide me. It only showed me how not to show my emotions. If it had not been for God I wouldn't know where my strength would have came from.

People call me hard or that nothing hurts me. I wish that one day people can see me for who I am and to know that I am human like everyone else. My pain keeps me from showing it in front of others but I want to work on changing that. I don't want to feel like showing emotions is always weakness. I want to have that special relationship between a daughter and father, also to have a wonderful relationship with my future husband and to be best friends.

Well, it is late but more to come about Simplicity.

Peace and Blessing to All!!!

--post From My iPhone